There And Back Again: Helm's Deep

Due to technical issues, the recounts of the eventful first half of our Laos adventure will have to wait a few days, and the latest news will have to do for now.

The second half of our Laos adventure can be summed up in two words - karst formations - but not enough pictures. Nevertheless, here are a few to get you started.

Spoiler alert: This is basically what Laos looks like...

... Flat and desolate - I mean, whenever there aren't sick mountains everywhere.

As part of our climbing-in-every-country project, we had originally set out the party and adventure capital of Laos, Vang Vieng, as our next destination after Luang Prabang, and even with our side step to Phonsavan (more on all these weird-named places in the next post!), we could easily have backtracked there. However, the climbers' buzz in Chiang Mai brought a new destination to our attention: Tha Khaek. Rumors were that you lived right at the foot of the mountains, and just walked five minutes to any of the walls in one of South-East Asia's largest climbing areas, and they were all spectacular. We were further enthused by the presence of the Kong Lor caves, which according to our now lost guidebook was the number 2 experience in all of Laos (after Luang Prabang, so the number 1 of experiences yet to be had), and the fact that the road there from Phonsavan was only a dotted line on the map and described as "slow but spectacular", so we jumped on the southbound bus.

Well, neither the high-quality scenery or low-quality road gave me any lasting sensory impressions, as I was suffering from an intense one-day fever (from an unlucky bite of food in Phonsavan) and slept through most of the bus ride. As we smoothly switched buses in Paksan on the other side of the mountains, the temperature had soared to 38°C, and even arriving in Tha Khaek in the evening we were sweaty and sticky.

Tha Khaek mixes Paris, communism and cowboys impeccably.

Tha Khaek is a strange-looking town. Straight-roadedly Sovjet and dustily Wild West like Phonsavanh, it seems like no place for faded-pastel French colonial villas, but that's what it's full of. Our Thai SIM-cards plinged back in to action; the town leans over the Mae Khong towards the Thai border. But despite new places to explore, in my state I wasn't up for more than perusing Kong Lor-options from brochures and eating some steamed rice. Planning things doesn't seem realistic when you're sick, especially distant caves and 38°C-climbing, but we decided to see what a 12-hour sleep would do before panicking. Sure enough, I was good as new the next morning, and we headed for the fabled caves.

We arrived in the isolated Kong Lor village after a slightly overlong bus and sorngthau ride. It is absurdly situated at the very end of a dead-end road; every escape route from the seemingly welcoming plain is gradually blocked by towering cliffs rising up from the flat ground at 90° angles - cliffs that furthermore are topped by pitch-black, jagged orc-helmet spikes. It would have been worth spending the day going there even without the fabled limestone caves at the end! But listen: The caves are seven kilometers long, 30 meters wide and 20 to 100 meters tall, and you ride a motorized wooden canoe at breakneck speeds down the rocky and curvy river that runs all the way through it, only getting off to walk by headlight through a forest of stalagmites and stalactites or to portage the canoe over limestone rapids! We were all by ourselves in the canoe with our driver, and we hardly passed other people the whole journey through the caves. Super spooky and SO cool! Besides, when you get out on the other side the river drifts you directly below towering mountains with vertical cliffs for I don't know but it must have been hundreds of meters. And an unreasonably warm wind brushed your face, the lush jungle leans over your canoe, and there's absolutely no doubt in your mind that you've passed a wormhole and traveled to the dinosaur age of some other dimension.

These things are cool!

And there's many of them!

First light after 7 kilometers of darkness!

These things are also cool!

The cave exit is cool, the fact that the trip is over is so uncool!

Speaking of sending your imagination flying, how could this valley not be Helm's Deep and the cave not be Gollum's lair under the Misty Mountains? And doesn't this boat remind you uncannily of a certain cave in Harry Potter 6?!

I look behind me and find not Alex, but Dumbledore!

Our driver portaging the canoe past some rapids... I mean, going Gollum-hunting.

The rainforest looks embarrassed to be stripped of its understory.

Back in the village (we got to see the whole thing over again on the way back - weee!) we wanted to spend a night with a local family in the village - an option known as "homestay" that has been getting quite popular with travelers. We wandered down the dirt lane of the primitive village, watching villagers grinding flour in a mill and building canoes, and we didn't have much difficulty finding a family who would take us in. However, "homestay" turned out to be the only word of English they spoke. Formalities, questions, even introductions posed a formidable communication problem, however entertaining it was. We thought we deduced that we should go to a restaurant to get supper, so we did, but when we returned (after sitting for a long time talking to friendly fellow travelers) they brought out a lovely tray of food for us. Feeling a bit guilty for returning so late, we ate as best we could, smiling wide the whole time. Our place was home to three generations of family, from more kids than I could count to the two exceptionally hunchbacked elders (the female of which took great care to always serve us chilled water). A corner of the living room was hastily cleaned out for us, and they graciously provided us with mattresses, blankets and a mosquito net - way more than we had expected. Still, so much more fun than a resort!

About half of the host family, half of its guests, and half of the dog.

Numerous cock-a-doodle-doos accompany this daybreak photo.

This morning after feeding us breakfast, sending us cucumbers and sticky rice for the road, and agreeing to a couple photos, our family bade us many farewells and we were off back to Tha Khaek. Stoked on adventures now, we immediately sorngthaued out to the climbing spot to check it out. Behold, another Helm's Deep awaits, but it's not as remote, and at the bottom isn't a primitive village, but a climber's paradise: A campground riddled with slacklines, cheap huts, a fanned chill-out restaurant and a climbing gear rental depot. The cliffs surrounding it on three sides are even more imposing than in Kong Lor, and there are all kinds of climbs. Since renting equipment is full-day price, we decide to have lunch, go back to town to catch up on some seriously overdue blogging, and spend the whole day there tomorrow. Needless to say I can't wait!